cheesecake factory girl

This past week I had gone out to Cheesecake Factory where my friends and I were being served by this gorgeous waitress (cheesecake factory girl.)  I could not help but be drawn to gaze at her beautiful face; it was challenging not to glance at her smile with every presented opportunity.

My reason for posting this entry is that my behaviors during dinner caught me off guard.  Lent was over, therefore so was my Lenten Promise: I could have freely pursued the waitress [if she was my type.]  My surprising behaviors were my cold interactions with cheesecake factory girl— she was strictly my waitress and I was strictly the customer.  I was taken aback by my own demeanor; my personality had changed since Lent had passed.

During Lent
I had given up the pursuit of women; all of my interactions with females were without purpose or agenda.  My personality became friendlier and more outgoing in almost all of my interactions with females [including the ones I was attracted too.]  I was without fear of being considered a predator (since pursuit was out of the question) which allowed me to be more of myself.

Fast-forward to dinner
Now that Lent was over, despite not pursuing the waitress at cheesecake factory, I did not want to come off as a customer hitting on her and reacted adversely by being cold to her.  This bothers me greatly as I felt as if my own personality had been bound: although I did not want to pursue cheesecake factory girl, the possibility of pursuit held me captive from being my general friendly self as I had been during Lent.

This definitely bothers me and is something I would like to figure out and work on; seeking any revelations.

(I think I might have had a revelation as I wrote this, but I'll sit on it and post about it later)